heartbroken...

what a whirlwind 10 days.

it's barely been 10 days since i got word that my grandfather died.

and 7 days since his memorial service.

luckily his memorial service was more of a celebration of him.  great music, hundreds of his friends and a good mix of family and old friends.

one of which was my great aunt patsy, my recently widowed grandmother's sister.  we hung out a good bit at the service and during the visitation.  then i walked her to my car and i drove her back to my grandmother's house to her car.  we chatted and laughed the whole way.

she has always been a huge influence in my life and immensely important to me.

sadly, we got word sunday afternoon that she had died.

so, in 6 days my family lost the 2 sweetest people anyone could ever imagine.

needless to say, i am crushed.  heartbroken.  lost.

i've lost the one person who was always my champion.  always told me i should try something.  always told me i could do it even when i thought i couldn't.  and always put a positive spin on the worst situations.  and bottom line, loved me unconditionally.

she was without exaggeration, the most amazingly kind and giving woman you could ever meet.  she also had the greatest sense of humor with a good dose of sarcasm.

she was smart, forward thinking, open-minded and above all, positive.

everyone loved her.  she had no enemies, only dear friends.  despite having lost her husband close to 30 years ago, surviving cancer 20+ years ago and the effects it left on her body, she did more to help and uplift people in a year than i or anyone i know has done in a lifetime.  not a day went by that she did not volunteer at the hospital, the american cancer society, the ethics committee at her hospital, or some other organization needing her time.  she crocheted countless baby caps and blankets for the hospital for children in need.  and always visited any and all friends that were sick.  her involvement never stopped.

truly selfless.

i will miss her dearly.

and i cannot think of my life without her in it.  it just won't ever be the same...

patsy @ xmas 2009

patsy and bill on their wedding day

r.i.p.

rest in peace?

farewell?

nothing seems fitting.

i've been trying to write this post for a couple of days now but the words aren't coming to me.

my grandfather passed away this monday, august 29th.

n. clayton lee - october 10, 1919 - august 29th, 2011

frankly i'm still shocked.  i mean, i knew this day would come eventually but it doesn't change the fact that it was shocking.

i'm lucky.  i had him around for 36 years of my life.  and he lived a long 91 years, almost 92.  and 91.5 of them were healthy.

he was the nicest man you could possibly imagine and would do anything for anyone.  he loved my grandmother (also named caroline) unconditionally for their 66+ years of marriage.  he was beyond proud of his children - my mom martha, my uncle scott and my aunt patsy.  and he was super sweet to his 6 grandchildren - my sister lee, myself, jordan, aria, hunter and dillon.

i still can't imagine not seeing him on birthdays, holidays and just-because days.

my grandparents

my grandfather, great-grandmother, my mom, uncle & aunt

my grandfather, my mom, uncle & aunt

grandfather

grandfather

my grandparents at my parent's wedding - 1970

my grandfather & my mom at his 90th birthday party

i'm grateful for the time i did have with him but i wish i had more.  isn't that always the case though...

i guess i'll just say goodbye for now...  you will be missed but never, for one second, forgotten.

i'm still here...

yes.  i'm still in raleigh.

i've had to extend my trip a few times for familial obligations.

and they do not seem to want to end...

my father had surgery, family dog has needed help, grandfather in the hospital for heart failure....and then tonight my grandmother fell and is in the hospital.

the sun will come out tomorrow, right?

i mean, things have to look up because i am desperately missing portland.

catch up

flew to the east coast last saturday (april 16) to see my peeps, attend carrie's wedding reception/party and see my sweet dog, elliot.

he lives with my parent's as he is technically the family dog but i claim him as mine.  more on him later...

cashed in more frequent flier points (haller-loo-yuh) and flew first class.

hot damn.

i think the sky even looks better from first class.

too bad i'm out of points....  back to the cattle car from now on...

hot towels, booze, hot nuts, lunch and warm cookies were served on the first flight.

lunch was a steak quesadilla, rice, salad, pita chips and cheese dip.  and more booze.

arrived in dallas and luckily made my layover.

back on the plane to head to raleigh.

dinner served.

cheese pasta, salad and some cheesecake.  and more booze.  what?!

reunited at last....

landed in a tornado devastated raleigh.  i missed the storm by a few hours...

horribly sad...

trees were down and debris was everywhere.

and this is just what i saw near downtown raleigh.  much worse everywhere else.

my cousin bridger

my beautiful cousin bridger's wedding was just featured on the blog, love and lavender.  check it out!

bridger and her dad rick

the photos are amazing and were shot by brent and amanda of millie holloman photography.

japan

as some of you know, japan has a special place in my heart.  when i was about 6, yuki and yoshi moved in across the street.  yuki was lee's age and yoshi was my age.  they lived in the states for only a few years but remain lifelong friends of our family.

my friend jody, myself and yuki is on the right.  waiting for the bus.

yoshi waiting at the bus stop.

yuki lived with my family for a year during her senior year of high school.  my sister then lived in japan for 4 years.  my mom, sister and i traveled to japan for yuki's wedding.  i've been twice and want to go back.  there is also hideki and his family.  so many people to worry about...

i love japan.

the recent tragedies going on there are heartbreaking.  earthquakes, tsunamis, nuclear meltdowns, radiation, etc.  it's awful.

it's hard feeling helpless in the states.

i've donated to the red cross and so can you by texting REDCROSS to 90999.  It will automatically add $10 to your cell phone bill.  for more info, go here.

i also love what w + k are doing.  they designed a print to raise funds for japan and it can be yours for only $25.

buy it here.

here comes the sun

the sun came out this morning.

and luckily stayed out the entire day!

insert happy face here.

lee (sister) and i went to get lunch after she was on call at the hospital all night.

i took her to the people's sandwich of portland.

she's a people's sandwich virgin and luckily she loved it.

ps.  people's sandwich is now offering:

lee insisted on her usual post call froyo but this time we decided to keep it in the downtown area.

she wasn't loving it so we ended up at pudding on the rice where, you guessed it, they serve rice pudding.

lee loved it and sampled everything.  every single one of them.

i had tart froyo which was equally yum.

now back to the sunshine...

we walked around a little bit.  i mean, when the weather is nice you have to grab it by the balls.

and random dude sleeping on the bench.  his tag said "security".  hmmm...

after getting home later, there was the hottest hot pink sunset ever.   i couldn't get my camera till it was almost gone...

holiday do-over?

this holiday season started out so promising, didn't it?

then came today....  i guess it could be a lot worse but it could definitely better.

good news is that i actually slept last night.

and well.  first time in what seems like ages.

went to lunch with my mom and sister.  lee has been super sick all week and i've been fighting it.  we both have been fighting cabin fever though.  nice to get out.

then went downtown to designbox's brand fandango shop.

as we were walking back to the car, i noticed raleigh denim's new store the curatory.

a husband and wife team started the company a few years ago.  pretty damn amazing.  in complete awe of them.  the guy was really nice and showed us around the sewing area.  so cool....

came home and realized i screwed up my boss' calendar.  fantastic.

then, my sister got a call from the vet in portland.  her dog sitter had taken orzo in this morning and it's not good news.  not sure if it's cancer, an abscess or something else but there really isn't much they can do.  lee will go back to the vet with him on monday to see if they do further testing and what to do.  so sad.  he's the sweetest dog and has been through so much this year and survived 2 surgeries.  i hope he can survive this....  i love you, orzo.

my mom then gets a call from my aunt saying that my uncle has been in a horrible car accident.  apparently the axle on his car broke and he went off the road and flipped 4x.  the state trooper that was there said he was lucky he survived.  and even luckier that he didn't have his twin sons in the car.  a doctor was driving behind him and apparently pulled him out.  he has some injuries but he's going to be okay.

christmas plans are now up in the air because we were going to their house.  we'll see....

i think it's time for a do-over....and maybe a cocktail...

holiday-ed out.

it's been great catching up with people all week - jennifer, matt, kristin, etc....and of course seeing people at the get togethers.

on sunday my sister "hosted" some of her chapel hill/durham friends in what's become an annual "invite yourself over to my parent's house" thing.

oh and when i say "hosted" i mean, it was my sister's idea but i did a ton of the work.

it was fine though because i love all the people and it was FUN.  and i love having a party.

we made a ton of food.  and when i say "made" i mean we cooked some and bought the rest.  let's be real.

i did make 10 dozen veggie sausage cheese balls and red velvet cupcakes.

10 f*$king dozen.

ridiculous.  but they were GOOD and so worth it.

i wish i'd taken more photos but i was working on food and drinks all night.  oh well, fun times were had.

here's lee and deb serving the cupcakes:

anyway,  the party was:  my fam, deb, kat, john, revy, berkley, aninda, dino, rocco, rich, jessica, franklin and last but not least, frances.

lee, deb and jessica:

aninda and dino:

lee and rich:

deb, revy, berkley and rocco:

deb in her awesome yellow coat:

too bad deb had to leave early...she missed out on the slumber party with lee, kat, aninda and myself.

i don't think i've laughed that hard in a long time.....

happy birthday to the wilson sisters (kat and aninda)!

winding down...

it's hard to believe that 2010 is winding down and a new year is about to begin.

where in the world has the year gone.

better yet, where has this decade gone?

apparently they've gone away with my youth....

but what is it that every older person says about about age?  that with age comes knowledge.

yes.  knowledge.

knowledge is great and all but damn, i'd love to have some of my younger days back.

ah well...we all know that isn't happening so onward through the holidays and 2011!

lee came home the day after thanksgiving so it freed me up from some of the dog duties.

they were a little happy to see her.

and so was i.

it's been BEYOND FREEZING in portland.  and some days, raining and freezing.  and walking 2 big dogs in pouring down freezing rain blows.

we even had snow.

with lee there i decided to head to the east coast early for the holidays.

i flew to raleigh yesterday.

first class.

damn, i love first class.  and for those who know me, know i've developed a real hate of flying.

but this, it makes flying almost tolerable.

well that and xanax.  lots of xanax.

and no i didn't buy a first class ticket.  i used miles to get the ticket.  and let me just say it was worth every mile i used getting the ticket.

first, you board early and do not wait in any line.

second, you get everything for free - unlimited baggage, blankets, food, drinks.  oh the drinks.  we even got cocktails before we took off.

right after takeoff we were served our first bevs with a bowl of hot nuts.

who knew i liked hot nuts?

and before i swallowed the last one, they were already coming around with more bevs and lunch.

lunch consisted of a cheese enchilada with rice and beans, a side salad, pita chips and cheese dip.

what surprised me was how good it was.  it was better than many mexican meals i've had.

oh and more cocktails came around.  actually, they never stopped.

to top it all off, they brought around freshly baked toffee cookies!

i was so full after all of this that i almost fell asleep watching "30 Rock" on my ipod.

the next thing i knew it was time to land and i had to figure out how i was going to stand up and make it to my next flight without appearing to be too intoxicated.

vacation (b)ender, day 4

my mom's last full day on the west coast.

we woke up at the lodge to a cold, foggy, rainy day.  there is actually a mountain buried behind that fog.

no surprise.

we buffeted at the restaurant which was surprisingly good.  they had all fresh food and we took full advantage of it.  a little too much so.

we left behind the cozy lobby and set out up the mountain for a hike.

high elevation, steep inclines, cold rain, fog and full bellies do not make for good hiking.

and yes, that would be snow in the pic above.

at times the sky was beautiful and blue.  and at times you were completely surrounded by clouds.

so off we go.

and more clouds roll in.

the back of the lodge.

other pics from the hike...

sadly the magic sky ride wasn't operating due to bad weather.

and then it was time to leave.

and head to hood river.

lee was determined to stop at packer orchards on the way to hood river.

it's a small road side store that sells fruit, preserves, ice cream, cookies and pies.

lee just wanted the samples.  of which she got.  and we headed on.

you can almost see mt hood behind the clouds.

next up.... hood river and multnomah falls.