the worst goodbye of all...

or the post i never wanted to write.

the last 2 weeks have brought the death of my grandfather and my great aunt.

and now my sweet dog...

elliot.  *

january 20, 1997 - september 16, 2011

i'm still in shock.

i still can't believe it.

and i want so badly for it not to be true.

most of all....i'm heartbroken.

my family got elliot in 1997 when i was 21 years old.  i'm 36 now.  he's been such a huge part of our lives but mostly mine.

i loved him more than anything and probably too much, but i couldn't help it.  he was the sweetest dog you'd ever meet.  loving, calm, gentle, and sensitive and wanted nothing more than to be right by your side.  he was miserable when left alone but so excited when anyone returned.  for a long time he would give out a bark, a ruh-roh, if you didn't pet him fast enough when you got home.  i always loved that.  he was always eager to follow me wherever i went, especially to my bedroom, so he could jump in the bed and make himself at home.  it was his favorite place and nothing made him happier.  i often adapted my schedule to prevent him having to be left alone because it broke my heart.  he would always look at you with his sweet eyes and make you want to stay.

i'm so ready for this month of tears and heartache to be over.

i know the heartache will never leave but hopefully it won't be quite so bad.  i wonder how much heartbreak one can take...

i will always love you elliot.  you were the best companion anyone could ever ask for.  i can't imagine the world without you in it and frankly, i don't want to.


* disclosure:  we almost never called him elliot.  we called him bew or bewbew.  no idea why i started calling him that but somehow it stuck.

rest in peace bew...

do you think?

i'm obsessed with my dog?  this is a screenshot of my phone's photo album.

i can't help it.  every little thing he does is magic.

yes, i have that song stuck in my head and now it's going to be stuck in yours.  and yes, i swapped the she for a he.

you're welcome.

elliot sweetness

elliot at my parent's house.

dog cuteness

elliot

elliot.

my sweet dog.

but let me be honest.

i call him bew or bewbew, not elliot.

i'm sure i've confused the hell out of him over the last 14 years by all the names i've called him but he definitely knows bew (boo).

the hardest thing about being on the west coast is being away from him...

he's the "family dog" therefore not really mine to take.

even though i claim him as mine.

he's the calmest, sweetest dog you'll ever meet and is a huge part of the family.

he's also my favorite thing about visiting the east coast.

he spends all his time with me and i love it.

i love him....

catch up

flew to the east coast last saturday (april 16) to see my peeps, attend carrie's wedding reception/party and see my sweet dog, elliot.

he lives with my parent's as he is technically the family dog but i claim him as mine.  more on him later...

cashed in more frequent flier points (haller-loo-yuh) and flew first class.

hot damn.

i think the sky even looks better from first class.

too bad i'm out of points....  back to the cattle car from now on...

hot towels, booze, hot nuts, lunch and warm cookies were served on the first flight.

lunch was a steak quesadilla, rice, salad, pita chips and cheese dip.  and more booze.

arrived in dallas and luckily made my layover.

back on the plane to head to raleigh.

dinner served.

cheese pasta, salad and some cheesecake.  and more booze.  what?!

reunited at last....

landed in a tornado devastated raleigh.  i missed the storm by a few hours...

horribly sad...

trees were down and debris was everywhere.

and this is just what i saw near downtown raleigh.  much worse everywhere else.

happy birthday, elliot

happy birthday elliot.

i cannot believe my sweet dog is 14 today.  

but mostly, i hate that i'm not with him to celebrate.  he lives with my parent's on the east coast and right now i hate that arrangement.  

it is what it is and i have to wish him happy birthday from afar....

so happy birthday elliot.  i love you and i miss you.

back to portland

first blog while back in portland for the new year.

hard to believe it's 2011.

2011.

where did the last decade go?

************

it was hard to leave raleigh behind and to say goodbye to my sweet dog.

i hate more than anything leaving him.  somehow i think it gets harder each time.

*************

flew out on a 6:20am flight.

6:20am!

that means getting up at 3:30am.  a time when i'm usually going to bed.

needless to say it was dark out.

are pilots able to function and operate all of this at that hour?

it was dark for quite a while since we were flying west.

then an amazing sunrise came up on the left side of the plane.

that only semi distracted me from the young mormon guy i sat next to.  he spent a good portion of time preaching the gospel to me.

now listen... i respect anyone's beliefs.  but please do not try to convert me at 5:50am before we've even taken off.

i can barely sit up at that hour, much less think.

the next flight i sat next to a man that picked his nose most of the flight.  and when he wasn't picking he was sleeping with his hat covering his face.  lovely.

here's the view:

made it safely back to portland before noon.

i was delirious from the lack of sleep but glad to be home.

end of the year

i didn't really blog towards the end of december so i'm behind and i'm not going to attempt to catch up!

my time in raleigh is coming to a close with less than a week left.

i'm looking forward to going home to portland but i'm going to miss my sweet dog.

it snowed a few times while i've been here.

here's elliot in the snow:

here are some other snow pics:

post travel hangover

i landed in raleigh a couple of days ago and i've been in a complete fog.

a post travel hangover.

perhaps i overindulged in the free first class offerings?

whatever it is, it feels just like my dog looks although not as cute.

travel continued

i landed in dallas and immediately started getting texts/emails from people saying that it was snowing like crazy in raleigh.

i slowly headed to the skylink train to get to my next terminal.

it was early in the evening but the airport felt very empty.

and most of the food places were closed.  not that that mattered since i was still full from my first flight.  but in case i got stranded.

this sculpture was right by my gate so i checked it out.

luckily my flight was on time and it was back to first class.

that's right.  more cocktails.  more hot nuts.  and a choice between a southwest chicken salad and a cheeseburger.  and of course, freshly baked chocolate chip cookies to top it all off.

heaven.

luckily we landed early and i was once again reunited with my favorite thing in the whole world.