the worst goodbye of all...

or the post i never wanted to write.

the last 2 weeks have brought the death of my grandfather and my great aunt.

and now my sweet dog...

elliot.  *

january 20, 1997 - september 16, 2011

i'm still in shock.

i still can't believe it.

and i want so badly for it not to be true.

most of all....i'm heartbroken.

my family got elliot in 1997 when i was 21 years old.  i'm 36 now.  he's been such a huge part of our lives but mostly mine.

i loved him more than anything and probably too much, but i couldn't help it.  he was the sweetest dog you'd ever meet.  loving, calm, gentle, and sensitive and wanted nothing more than to be right by your side.  he was miserable when left alone but so excited when anyone returned.  for a long time he would give out a bark, a ruh-roh, if you didn't pet him fast enough when you got home.  i always loved that.  he was always eager to follow me wherever i went, especially to my bedroom, so he could jump in the bed and make himself at home.  it was his favorite place and nothing made him happier.  i often adapted my schedule to prevent him having to be left alone because it broke my heart.  he would always look at you with his sweet eyes and make you want to stay.

i'm so ready for this month of tears and heartache to be over.

i know the heartache will never leave but hopefully it won't be quite so bad.  i wonder how much heartbreak one can take...

i will always love you elliot.  you were the best companion anyone could ever ask for.  i can't imagine the world without you in it and frankly, i don't want to.


* disclosure:  we almost never called him elliot.  we called him bew or bewbew.  no idea why i started calling him that but somehow it stuck.

rest in peace bew...

do you think?

i'm obsessed with my dog?  this is a screenshot of my phone's photo album.

i can't help it.  every little thing he does is magic.

yes, i have that song stuck in my head and now it's going to be stuck in yours.  and yes, i swapped the she for a he.

you're welcome.

modern dog bowls

finally, a modern dog bowl that is cute and practical.

see phorm feeders here.

image via in the company of dogs

elliot sweetness

elliot at my parent's house.

dog cuteness

pool party fun

angie got a pool last summer but i missed out on all the fun because i did not live here.

finally got to see it this past weekend.

the weather was fantastic.

something i haven't seen in ages living in portland.

even the dog had to swim.

then she had to chill.

elliot

elliot.

my sweet dog.

but let me be honest.

i call him bew or bewbew, not elliot.

i'm sure i've confused the hell out of him over the last 14 years by all the names i've called him but he definitely knows bew (boo).

the hardest thing about being on the west coast is being away from him...

he's the "family dog" therefore not really mine to take.

even though i claim him as mine.

he's the calmest, sweetest dog you'll ever meet and is a huge part of the family.

he's also my favorite thing about visiting the east coast.

he spends all his time with me and i love it.

i love him....

catch up

flew to the east coast last saturday (april 16) to see my peeps, attend carrie's wedding reception/party and see my sweet dog, elliot.

he lives with my parent's as he is technically the family dog but i claim him as mine.  more on him later...

cashed in more frequent flier points (haller-loo-yuh) and flew first class.

hot damn.

i think the sky even looks better from first class.

too bad i'm out of points....  back to the cattle car from now on...

hot towels, booze, hot nuts, lunch and warm cookies were served on the first flight.

lunch was a steak quesadilla, rice, salad, pita chips and cheese dip.  and more booze.

arrived in dallas and luckily made my layover.

back on the plane to head to raleigh.

dinner served.

cheese pasta, salad and some cheesecake.  and more booze.  what?!

reunited at last....

landed in a tornado devastated raleigh.  i missed the storm by a few hours...

horribly sad...

trees were down and debris was everywhere.

and this is just what i saw near downtown raleigh.  much worse everywhere else.

saturday

last saturday lee and i ventured out to try a new restaurant called isabel pearl for brunch.

one word:  yum.

we then attempted to walk around.  and by attempted i mean, lee hobbled with her leg cast on...

but we were more obsessed with the dog tied up outside than the neighborhood.

because let's be honest, i probably like dogs more than people a lot of the time.

it was a nice day though so we walked a few blocks.

then we went on an excursion to the beave to get froyo (lee's fave).

nothing like seeing this sign flipper.

once again, the sky was beautiful...

happy birthday, elliot

happy birthday elliot.

i cannot believe my sweet dog is 14 today.  

but mostly, i hate that i'm not with him to celebrate.  he lives with my parent's on the east coast and right now i hate that arrangement.  

it is what it is and i have to wish him happy birthday from afar....

so happy birthday elliot.  i love you and i miss you.

end of the year

i didn't really blog towards the end of december so i'm behind and i'm not going to attempt to catch up!

my time in raleigh is coming to a close with less than a week left.

i'm looking forward to going home to portland but i'm going to miss my sweet dog.

it snowed a few times while i've been here.

here's elliot in the snow:

here are some other snow pics:

holiday do-over?

this holiday season started out so promising, didn't it?

then came today....  i guess it could be a lot worse but it could definitely better.

good news is that i actually slept last night.

and well.  first time in what seems like ages.

went to lunch with my mom and sister.  lee has been super sick all week and i've been fighting it.  we both have been fighting cabin fever though.  nice to get out.

then went downtown to designbox's brand fandango shop.

as we were walking back to the car, i noticed raleigh denim's new store the curatory.

a husband and wife team started the company a few years ago.  pretty damn amazing.  in complete awe of them.  the guy was really nice and showed us around the sewing area.  so cool....

came home and realized i screwed up my boss' calendar.  fantastic.

then, my sister got a call from the vet in portland.  her dog sitter had taken orzo in this morning and it's not good news.  not sure if it's cancer, an abscess or something else but there really isn't much they can do.  lee will go back to the vet with him on monday to see if they do further testing and what to do.  so sad.  he's the sweetest dog and has been through so much this year and survived 2 surgeries.  i hope he can survive this....  i love you, orzo.

my mom then gets a call from my aunt saying that my uncle has been in a horrible car accident.  apparently the axle on his car broke and he went off the road and flipped 4x.  the state trooper that was there said he was lucky he survived.  and even luckier that he didn't have his twin sons in the car.  a doctor was driving behind him and apparently pulled him out.  he has some injuries but he's going to be okay.

christmas plans are now up in the air because we were going to their house.  we'll see....

i think it's time for a do-over....and maybe a cocktail...

winding down...

it's hard to believe that 2010 is winding down and a new year is about to begin.

where in the world has the year gone.

better yet, where has this decade gone?

apparently they've gone away with my youth....

but what is it that every older person says about about age?  that with age comes knowledge.

yes.  knowledge.

knowledge is great and all but damn, i'd love to have some of my younger days back.

ah well...we all know that isn't happening so onward through the holidays and 2011!

lee came home the day after thanksgiving so it freed me up from some of the dog duties.

they were a little happy to see her.

and so was i.

it's been BEYOND FREEZING in portland.  and some days, raining and freezing.  and walking 2 big dogs in pouring down freezing rain blows.

we even had snow.

with lee there i decided to head to the east coast early for the holidays.

i flew to raleigh yesterday.

first class.

damn, i love first class.  and for those who know me, know i've developed a real hate of flying.

but this, it makes flying almost tolerable.

well that and xanax.  lots of xanax.

and no i didn't buy a first class ticket.  i used miles to get the ticket.  and let me just say it was worth every mile i used getting the ticket.

first, you board early and do not wait in any line.

second, you get everything for free - unlimited baggage, blankets, food, drinks.  oh the drinks.  we even got cocktails before we took off.

right after takeoff we were served our first bevs with a bowl of hot nuts.

who knew i liked hot nuts?

and before i swallowed the last one, they were already coming around with more bevs and lunch.

lunch consisted of a cheese enchilada with rice and beans, a side salad, pita chips and cheese dip.

what surprised me was how good it was.  it was better than many mexican meals i've had.

oh and more cocktails came around.  actually, they never stopped.

to top it all off, they brought around freshly baked toffee cookies!

i was so full after all of this that i almost fell asleep watching "30 Rock" on my ipod.

the next thing i knew it was time to land and i had to figure out how i was going to stand up and make it to my next flight without appearing to be too intoxicated.